Unknown. Unheard. Unseen.

I was cleaning out my room the other day, and found a plethera of my old journals. I love to write, and I love to document my feelings on different subjects or experiences. I feel like the journal is my safe place. The thing I can turn to and spill my thoughts... a place I find that my thoughts actually make sense. There are times when I can't think of a single thing to put on paper, and then there are times when my fingers can write fast enough... Its always entertaining to go back and read the things that were on my heart during certain times of my life.

I love buying new journals. I love the different styles, and the art on the cover, and the quotes that are already written inside of them. People who know me pretty well know that a journal is always a welcomed gift around here. With that being said: Collectively, I have 9 journals. None of which have been completely filled. My goal is to finish an entire journal before I die. I think I can do it, it will just take dedication.

I promise this blog has more to do with it than informing you about my journals... hang in there.

I discovered my journal that I took to Amsterdam last summer, and reading the words that were written on the lines of the pages caught me by surprise. It's as if I remember feeling every word that I wrote, but now it feels like I'm reading someone else's words... I stand in amazement when I look back and remember the things I learned, or the people I met, or the way God orchestrated every detail. It is so obvious that no human being could have ever planned that trip to Amster and seen it unfold the way it did without God's hand at work. I am so blessed... today, I am reminded.

I found this journal entry:

Unknown.

How could I stand here with You, and not be moved by You? Unknown is my theme word for the week. Lord, You know every story of every person to walk on the face of this earth. Today is going to be a big day. Somehow, each of these women ended up in this place. But why? What are their stories? It's all unknown, until it is asked. the woman at the busstop, what is her story? Does she have anything that reminds her to hope? Hope. It's a mighty thing. It gives us the energy to keep holding on. to push through. Anne Frank died one month before the suffering and torture were over. She thought her entire family died. She lost hope. Maybe if she would have known her dad was still alive, she would have pushed through and survived. Hope does that for us. The yellow roses that were given to the prostitute from Singapore reminded her to Hope. Who do I need to share my hope with?

"Growth means change. Which sometimes involves risk. Stepping from the known to the unknown." -George Shinn

Unheard.

"Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." -MK16:15

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resoundng gong or a clanging symbol. - 1COR13:1

Tomorrow I am leaving for a missions trip with my youth group to Arlington, Texas. We will be working with all kinds of kids who live in the projects of Arlington... I think mostly running VBS camps, and loving on people. I dont know what they have heard, or what they have never been told. I dont know if they'll look at me and think, "Who is this Jesus she speaks of?" By the time I leave I hope there are 3 things I leave them with: 1) The Love of Jesus. 2) A message of hope and of healing. and 3) They are important. Their story matters. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope, by the end of the week, they leave VBS grasping a piece of hope that was once unheard of.

Unseen.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2COR4:5

For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in the dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. EPH6:12

(EXERPT FROM AMSTER JOURNAL):

"The spirit of Satan is so obvious in this district. It's like Satan has this place on a leash. I have never experienced such a dark place. The Light floods the darkness though. It isn't the girls or the clients or the pimps or the traffickers we are fighting against. But rather the evil that resides over them. The hatred and emptiness and bitterness and lust and rage... they are all friends and they all work together. The good news is: Love heals."

I hope that when I go to Arlington, I will see the world with my spiritual eyes. I want to see the city and the people through the eyes of Jesus. Because everything and every being has beauty embedded in it.

I am going on a new mission. It is very different than walking the streets of Amsterdam; however, it is very much the same. I am still going to invest in people. People must be restored. I am going to speak life over a city and a child. If even one child experiences Jesus while I'm there, then this week will be worth it.

Some may say that short term mission trips have a greater impact on the missionary... and to an extent, I might agree. But like my Mom always told me: "Plant seeds."

Some plant, some water, and some reap the harvest.

Tonight Has Never Happened Before

If you were given a platform and a mic in front of two people or two million people, what would you do with the opportunity?

Choices.

We all come from different backgrounds. We've traveled different paths, and we've lived different lifestyles. We each have our own story. We come from single parents homes and "Happily Ever Afters." We come from million dollar houses and a hope for finding the next meal. We come from addiction and self mutilation and back yard baseball. We come from competitive natures and "I Quit" attitudes.

Some of us are proud to continue a family legacy... Others of us are dying to start our own... a fresh start.

Two roads lay before us everyday: Blessings or Curses. Life or Death.

Millions have come before us, and millions will follow us. Talk about pressure... Too often we look behind us and wish we would've reacted a diffferent way, or said goodbye, or forgave a parent or a son. Too often we want to rewrite our story. But tonight has never happened before.

Tonight we have the choice to walk in blessings or in curses. To walk forward or to fall behind. To live or to die.

All the world is a stage. A new opportunity arises, a new moment, a fresh start. And Tonight Has Never Happened Before.

Tony Jones

If you are a pretty regular reader of this blog, and you've read the blog titled "...Pray for Those Who Persecute You..." then you'll remember me writing about a man named Tony Jones... A man I had never met, yet had taken on the challenge to pray for everyday for a year. One year turned into two years, and now here we are today.

June 17, 2010 at 12:45 am Tony Jones went to dance with Jesus.

I weep at the thought of the family He left behind. Two little kids, a wife, a Father and a Mother... they rest in the shadow of the Most High.

My heart is broken, because I know that it is okay to mourn. It is okay to grieve, to cry, to feel the brokenness of this world. Because that is just what it is, broken. I weep because life is hard. Cancer sucks. I guess it's all part of the great fall.

I rejoice because of the promises that we find on the lines of God's love letter he left for us...

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. Psalm 68:5

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1

Weeping may endure for the night, but JOY comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

Today, I was driving home from work with my windows down in 97 degree weather, blaring Hillsong out my windows... thinking the ol' max (my car) might explode... singing at the top of my lungs. The Holy Spirit was filling me with the Truth. Reminding me that He still sits on the throne.

"No weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering... You hold me now. No darkness, no sick or lame, no hiding... You hold me now."

"All of my life, in every season, You are still God. I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship."

"I'm found in the arms of Love, for Your Love, it has saved my soul."

The Lord Reigns... Let the earth Be glad. Psalm 97.

I know He still sits on the throne. I will weep knowing the joy comes in the morning. We must fill ourselves up with the truth. Because the light overwhelms the darkness. Satan can't stand the truth, and He wont come anywhere near it.

Then you will know the truth,and the Truth will set you
free. John 8:32

"Sweep Me Away..."

I had a conversation the other night with a friend about the difference in blogging and journaling. After a long discussion comparing the two of them, here is what we decided: journaling is thoughts on paper in the rawest form. While blogging is writing down the same thoughts but writing them and then rewriting them and critiquing them, and then publishing them to the cyber world.

Emotionally, this week has been tough... so because I lack the energy it takes to critique, this is my journal entry. raw as it can be.

Friday marks the 3 year anniversary of the death of a dear friend of mine. 3 years. I can not begin to grasp that it has already/only been three years. It seems that the time has crept by... at the same time it seems that it has flown. Today, I sat on my back porch and thought about all the great times, and the extraordinary impact this man left behind. He was Extraordinary.

I've been listening to a song by Kari Jobe called "Sweep Me Away". It goes like this: "Sweep me away, sweep me away in Your love... where nothing else matters."

That has been my prayer this week. Coach Snider has been swept away by His love, and nothing else matters anymore... to me, that is so resfreshing. He no longer lays in pain, he dances for Jesus.

"Rise up, My Darling! Come away with me. Look, the winter is past, and the rain is over and gone. The season of singing has come." Song of Songs 2:10-12

The season of singing has come.

"Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

*Whoever you are, wherever you are... know that you are loved. You have a purpose, and you have a role to play in this world. Don't give that up. I am thankful for you. Wherever your heart is at, whether you are dealing with the loss of a loved one or searching for something that brings more satisfaction than what you've found so far, please know that there is hope. I pray that you are swept away by God's love. His extreme,empowering, thick, furious love. In Him, nothing else matters. His grace is overwhelming, and his Joy comes with the morning.

"Sweep Me Away... Sweep me away in Your love, where nothing else matters..."

True Love

"Come close, listen to the story... about a love more faithful than the morning." -Phil Wickham, True Love

Every night I go to sleep knowing that I will wake up in the morning. that sounds foolish because I know that I am not promised tomorrow, but there aren't many things in this life that I can be as sure about as waking up in the morning.

I watched a movie tonight about a man who is obsessed with routine. It's as if he can't function outside of his daily schedule. Every Saturday he makes meatloaf; Sunday, lasagna. He wakes up to work on his coin collection. Every day. Nothing new.

I have a friend who wakes up every single morning at 4:51 AM. Not 4:50 or 4:55, but 4:51.

It's interesting to me, as Americans, or maybe even as humans how obsessed we are with knowing everything will work out on our schedule at the right time for us. We all have our agendas and our to-do lists. We get into this funk, knowing that every day will begin and end exactly the same way as the one before it, and the one after it. It's comfortable. Predictable.

Until something outrageous happens. Something that rocks our world.

It could be anything. Anything that could mess up our schedule.

Maybe it's a traffic jam on the way to work. Maybe it's the obnoxious commericials on the radio station. Maybe it's the call from a friend who needs a raincheck when you're already at the restaurant waiting for them. Maybe it's the call from a friend who desperately needs you to listen without asking questions. Maybe it's the phone call that delivers the terrible news. Maybe it's the diagnosis. Or the police at the front door at ten o'clock on a school night when your kid isn't home yet. Maybe it's falling in love.

It could be anything really. Anything that could mess up our routine.

"Come close, listen to the story... about a love more faithful than the morning."

Remember the last time you experienced a crisis? It could be a personal crisis, or a family crisis, or even a national crisis. Remember falling on your face and crying out to God,

"Where are You?!"

"...a Love more faithful than the morning."

God's love is more faithful than the fact and assurance that the morning will come. Even more faithful than the sun coming up. I know God's patient, and kind, and selfless, and rejoicing Love is present in my life, every second. When I am following routine, and when I am faced with hardship.

I know that when He calls me to step out of the boat, every thing I've ever known, His love is faithful.

I know that when I fear the unknown about my future, His love is faithful.

I know when I mourn the loss of a dear friend, His love is faithful.

I know that when people leave, when people are called to different places, His love is faithful.

Which brings me to my two choices.

1) I can live in comfort, honoring God with my writing and my voice and my talents, hoping that my routine will never get rocked, and staying away from all outside distractions,

or

2) I can live in such a way that I, routinely, wake up every morning and die to myself so that I can live and walk and breathe in Christ, knowing that because I am with Him, my circumstances are besides the point. Because His love is faithful.

I choose # 2.

In fact, I pray that God will light my path just enough so I can see where to take my next step. I dont need to know all the answers. That requires no faith. No trust. All I need to know is that I follow the One who carries the torch. The One who is the torch.

And I'll walk that path, knowing that wherever He leads me, His love is faithful.

So, I trust...

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing." -Donald Miller

The Time is Now.

Sometimes I day dream about how my life would be different if I were born in a different point on the globe, at a different point in history. I wonder what kind of family I would have, what kind of issues I would deal with, and what kind of lifestyle I would lead. I think to myself, "What if I had been born in Darfur, and lost my family to genocide?" or "What if I was a little jewish girl in WWII? Would I have had the strength to survive?" A lot of times I'll catch myself thinking "Why did God place ME in a godly home, with strong parents who made a promise to stay together forever? Why did He give ME life in 1992, when the United States has been free for years, where I don't have to fear our government, and where I can say and believe whatever I want?"

When I went to Amsterdam this past summer, the first lesson I learned (about ten seconds after I stepped off the plane) was that it is only by the grace of God that I wasn't born into the sex capitol of the world, where slavery is ignored and people are treated as objects. It is by the grace of God that I was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma at such a time as this.

"For this reason I was born, and for this cause I came into the world, that my life would bear witness to the Truth." John 18:37

From the very mouth of Jesus came these words. Words that inspire me, words that challenge me, and words that push me to live up to the standard of the Word.

I was created in the image of God, and He had each day of my life mapped out before I took my first breath. He knew the issues I would deal with, the heartache I would experience, the path I would choose. He knew that I would attend Family Church, and co-lead a girls small group. He knew I would graduate from Union High School, and He knew who I would choose to surround myself with. He knew the bumps I would stumble across while I walked the journey of finding myself, and He knew who I would meet along the way. He placed certain passions in my heart, and He equips me to live them out.

For whatever reasons that might still be unknown, I was created to be 18 years old in the year of 2010.

For whatever reasons that might still be unknown, YOU were created to be how ever old you are in the year of 2010. You are unique. You are called. You are equipped. You are never too young, and You are never too old. God has a plan for YOU to do something that only You can do at such a time as this. Together, we are the body of Christ. Each one of us with different functions, different passions, different strengths, different callings.

Each of us walk different paths, and along those paths are different lives that we have the opportunity to influence. We have influence, whether we realize it or not. The issue has never been whether or not we have influence, but, instead, how we use that infuence; for better or for worse? Our speech, the things we laugh at, the way we carry ourselves... all have influence. People are watching us. We are here for such a time as this... We must stand up. We must live in such a way that our lives bear witness to the Truth.

The Time is Now.