Audience

She was seventeen when she met the man of her dreams... or so she thought. He was handsome and independent, and he offered her something that was appealing: freedom. She was shy and innocent when she first met him, but she quickly found herself adapting to his expectations. Soon after they met, they were married... and in the 1970s, wives couldn't testify against their husbands. She was forced into the porn industry by her own spouse, and she was referred to in the media as "the face of the sexual revolution." Her film brought in over 300 million dollars; however, she never saw a penny of it. She was beat, sold, raped and dehumanized over and over again. To the outside world, she appeared to be happy and content with her vocation; but six years later, she came out with the truth of what happened to her. She was married to her oppressor for three years. In terms of marriage, three years doesn't sound long, but in terms of captivity, it might as well have been a lifetime. She tried to escape 4 times, only to be returned to her captor by her mother, her friends, and even the police. Because of her fame in the industry, her story wasn't taken seriously. The media didn't believe her, the police didn't believe her.... women didn't believe her. Guns were put to her head when she refused to comply. She was exploited in front of millions, and still the world lined up to see for themselves.   She was a prisoner in her own home. I want you to understand the weight of her story.

Because the truth is, her story deserves an audience. Her story is the story of millions of women around the globe. Millions of women are held captive by their husbands, or pimps, or circumstances. Because of their "choice" of work, they are ignored and discarded. These women are walking among us, and we do not even see them. We don't hear their cry for help, because their voices are muted.

The question is often, "why don't they just leave...?" In Oklahoma, 95% of women who are killed by men are killed in their attempt to escape. If they leave, they are risking their lives; if they stay, they are risking their lives. This is a disgusting reality, but it's currently the world we live in... we have to do something about this. We have to be the ones who stand up on their behalf.

Her life is valuable, simply because she was created perfectly by the Almighty God. He created her and envisioned a life of beauty and abundance. Even if no one else saw it, she was precious to Him. Nothing that she did, and nothing that was done to her was too much for Jesus. He loved her... He loved her.

Her story deserves an audience, not only because of what she's endured, but because she's a human being.  You, too, have a story; and you, too, deserve an audience. No matter where you're at, your story matters. What has happened to you in the past, does not define where your life is headed. The cool thing about hope is that it's the belief that there's something better ahead. My friend Ali says, "hope is born in the darkness and spends a lot of it's life being the only light in the room." The truth is we live in a heavy world, and most times it seems to be filled with despair, but even on those days, even in those minutes, hope remains.

It's just like to Jesus to take the rotten and turn it into gold. He took all those things that you've endured on the cross, and then He proclaimed, "it's finished." That's the hope. Yes, there's darkness, but the darkness will never overcome the light.

Find a safe place and don't be afraid to speak up - because I promise, someone is waiting to stand with you. You deserve to be known, and when you speak up the chains of captivity loosen. Your life matters. It doesn't end in the darkness... light remains, and your story deserves and audience.

She's Worth More

It's been an incredible journey through Thailand over the past couple months, and honestly a bit surreal that it's coming to a close. There's been days that felt like minutes, and moments that completely stopped the hands of time. There were nights that I've never felt more alive, and nights that I've wished to be far from the cold darkness that engulfed these streets. At times, I believed I had never had a more life-giving community, and other times I felt like my heart had been lost in the masses, completely misunderstood. There was moments of pure joy and hysterical laughter, and moments of terrifying spiritual warfare. We were a group of 20 American girls, walking through our own crap, but coming together as the body of Christ to illuminate the darkness in Chiang Mai... and I truly believe we did that.

Looking back, I see a shift in our ministry about half way through our time here. From the beginning, the bar moms, girls, men and pimps could immediately tell we were different. We walked into empty bars, ordered a couple sprites, and asked a few girls to play pool with us. They would ask us what we were doing in Chiang Mai and we would tell them we were here on vacation and were teaching English at a local college. Then we would come back with small talk questions, "what's your name?" "where are you from?" "how long have you been here?" in hopes to build some sort of foundation for a new friendship. Many of these conversations did turn into friendships! and my friends spent much of their two months investing in specific girls, teaching them English, taking them to lunch, singing karaoke, exploring waterfalls and ultimately sharing their own stories with them.

In the beginning, my heart was hard toward the men we found there... the sex industry is supply and demand at it's finest... these men were the very ones who were fueling the industry. If there wasn't a demand, maybe these girls would be in school. But whatever animosity once stood between me and those men, soon became a burning desire for them to be set free from their own captivity.

We no longer only looked for quiet bars with a few lonely girls... instead we entered booming bars with loud men and rampant personality. At this point, the bar moms, the men and our new friends knew us. The girls would see us walk in, and immediately get up from the men they were entertaining to greet us with open arms. The bar moms would ask if we wanted a couple sprites, and the men told us we were "brave" for coming to such a place. This time, we no longer told them about our vacation or the schools we were teaching at... we told them about our heart for these girls, and our desire to see them set free from those bars. We told them that those girls were our friends, and we loved them so we came to visit them. We looked at the men as if they were something special as well... as if they were worth knowing, because they are. Because for whatever reason, they believed the lie that they could escape their sorrow and misery back home and find fulfillment from the alcohol and women in the red light district. But when they met us, they encountered something different. We no longer had a passive mindset toward these men, rather I was desperate to tell them who they could be.

Each night our team split into two groups. Nine of us would hit the streets, while the other 11 of us would stay back and intercede. We prayed for opportunities to speak the name of Jesus, we asked for men to get up and walk out of the bars, we prayed for vision and peace to overwhelm our teammates so they could have meaningful conversations without fear of anything seen or unseen. We prayed that the men would notice we were different and approach us to find out why....

 I'll never forget the night I met my friend Peter from Ireland. He was around my dad's age... and I immediately noticed him when we walked in. I was at the pool table playing a game with my friends Da and Gale and suddenly Peter walks past me toward the bathroom. We made eye contact and I smiled, and then kept playing pool with my friends. A few minutes later, Peter comes walking out the bathroom and this time he stops to talk to me. First, he asked me where I was from and then proceeded to compliment how beautiful my expression was... he said he had never seen anything like it. He told me that I wasn't just pretty.... but radiant. I didn't feel
uncomfortable or violated, because it honestly seemed pure - like he was truly in awe, and this was the opportunity I had been praying for... He said, "you must be blessed by Buddha or the gods or something..." but I told him it was Jesus. He looked at me for a couple seconds in silence, and then added a few more compliments and told me he was going back to his friends at the bar, but that it was nice to meet me and that he hopes I enjoy my time in Thailand.... I'm not sure what happened in his mind for those few seconds of silence, and perhaps I will never see Peter again... but he encountered something different that night, and that is why I came to Thailand.

I came for those men just as much as I came for those women. My heart aches for my girls in there, because I've seen their suffering and I've heard their pleas for help. They don't want to be there. They don't want to strip down to barely nothing, and expose themselves for the pleasure of a man. There's no safety, or purity or dignity in that. They dream of a man who will pursue them and love them and cultivate them, just the same way I do. They want to learn English so they can get a good job, and support their families. They want to believe that tomorrow will be better.... but first they need us to stand up on their behalf. They need Godly men to set the example... these women are being manipulated and abused because we are standing by and indulging in our own desires.

Men, the porn industry fuels the supply and demand... when you think that a couple clicks aren't going to hurt anyone, there are women who are forced to engage against their will, and instead of rescuing them, we are tightening their chains. This is a desperate call for you to wake up. Millions of young women are exploited day in and day out and we need men, along with women, to rise up and call for justice. Get educated on the subject. Ask questions. Find someone to hold you accountable, because the truth is that she's worth so much more than a half-hearted habit. That same habit that requires nothing of you, requires every fiber of her being and every ounce of her heart. She is a human being. She was perfectly created for a purpose. She was made in God's image and she was bought with the blood of Jesus. She's a daughter of the Most High King... and she's waiting for us to go get her; to do something about this.

Rise up. She's worth more. 

Roses and Rays of Hope

Mere, Mel and I stood downstairs at our hostel before we took the streets and we gathered in prayer to prepare our hearts for the Red Light District, but also to prepare the Red Light District for us. Each one of us prayed for a specific thing. Mel prayed for the little kids who often wander around the RLD, in and out of bars, selling roses and necklaces. She prayed that the cycle that these kids have grown up in will end with them. They will not stay in the RLD forever, because that's not what God intended for them. She prayed that they would be drawn to us, and that we would be able to offer them a ray of hope... I prayed for the people along the streets... the ones with darkness in their eyes. The ones who look like they really aren't there at all. I prayed that Jesus would open my eyes to them, and that I could love them where they were, however that looked to Him. Mere asked Jesus to give her a word or a picture... some kind of direction for the night. She got the word "flower" and then we set off for the night with wide eyes and full hearts.

As we walked down the street, a few girls waved to us and asked up to come in and sit down. So we ordered a coke for each of us, and then one extra for the girl who would sit with us. We asked her to play a game, and she sat down for a few games of Connect Four but it was obvious that she wasn't interested in us. Immediately after she got up to tend to the men in her bar, a little boy approached us (cue Mel's prayer). He was offering single roses for 20 baht, so I bought one and asked him to play me in Connect Four. He kicked my butt 3 times before giving up on me and asking Mere to play with him. We offered him the extra sprite we ordered, and I reveled in the moment because he was operating in his 10-year-old nature. His feet were kicked up, he was sipping on a sprite, and he was laughing at how bad we were at a silly game. It was a ray of hope for him, even if only for a moment.

We paid for our drinks and then walked down the street toward our next destination. The next bar is one of my personal favorites. My sweet Friend, N, is the bar mom at this bar and we immediately connected a few weeks ago when I went to her bar for afternoon bar ministry. She's around 50 years old, and she refers to herself as "mom" because she's in charge of so many girls. She's also as quiet as a mouse... often times I can't communicate with her because she's so soften spoken. However, despite the language barrier and the lack of volume, I love every minute spent with her.

 

We sat down and ordered a couple cokes and a water and played jenga with a few girls in her bar. Mostly we took pictures and hugged... easy for you to understand why we might be friends. Then suddenly our little boy from the previous bar was standing behind us, giving us pointers on how to win the game! He followed us from one bar to the next because he loved being around us... he was drawn to us. I'm praying that we get to see him again. While we were playing, a woman selling bouquets of roses approached me, so I bought a handful of roses and I knew this was a tangible way to love on people on the streets.  Then we kissed N goodbye, and promised to come back for her. Something in stirring in that place, and I love watching it with my own eyes.





We thought the word "flower" that Jesus gave Mere might have been the dozens of roses that were around us... the roses we bought from the woman, the roses the little boy was selling, the rose scarf N was wearing, her rose print fingernails, the rose tattoo on her shoulder.... it seemed to be a running theme. But it didn't end there. As we walked down the street, we came across a new bar... it had a different atmosphere than the ones around it. There weren't any girls sitting outside trying to lure us in, there weren't any men in the bar at all... 4 Thai girls sat at the bar and giggled while they talked with one another.... We looked up at the sign and it read, "The Rose Bar." It took us about half a second for us to decide to go in and sit down. We picked a booth in the far back of the bar, and one girl came to take our order but otherwise they left us alone. We chose to use that time to pray over the Rose Bar and N and the little boy and the RLD and Chiang Mai... Hope was being restored for that place in the form of a group of white girls, and Jesus was certainly up to something.

While we were talking and praying together, I felt like Jesus was telling me to pray for N's voice... literally and symbolically. She is a bar mom, so she has power of the girls in her bar. They watch her and look up to her and she sets the standard for the girls. So I began to pray that she would literally speak up, so that I could begin to have real conversations with her... conversations that would bring hope and healing and truth. Then I began to pray that she would catch on those things and that she would be the light in the darkness for those people. She would be the voice for those girls, and that through her testimony, hundreds of girls would leave those bars. I prayed that she would be like a roaring lion in that place, that her voice would call for change. Shortly after that, the song "Roar" came through the speakers and the lyrics literally say, "I am a champion, and you're going to hear me Roar, louder than the lion." I love when Jesus speaks through Katy Perry ;)

We left that bar with hope and joy... and as we passed out our flowers to the women on the streets, we saw their eyes light up. Someone had noticed them... someone saw that they existed, and every girl loves flowers.

When we met up with our teammates back at the hostel to debrief, one group of girls had a very different experience. She had a hard conversation with a girl who spoke of the darkness she was living in. She described, in detail, the heaviness of her life. She was working 2 jobs so she could send money back to her son who was living with her parents hours away from Chiang Mai... she had contemplated and attempted suicide twice, and she said, "who would ever want me?" ... As our team members sobbed as they told us of the way they poured their hearts into this girl... They cried to God for freedom for this girl... because the truth is, Jesus wants her. She is precious to him... and it is not about what she's done or seen or what has happened to her. It was never about that, and it never will be about that. It's about grace, and hope and healing and renewal.

My friend Jamie talks about how life is Heavy and Light, and it's okay to be honest and real about it. Sometimes we dance through life and rejoice, and other times we cry and hurt and question. The reality is that each day is different for each of us, and when we through life we never truly know what we might get. There will be days of hard conversations and moments that break our hearts, and there will be moments of hope and light in the darkest places. I won't stop hoping for this place. I won't stop going into the bars and bringing the light with me. I won't stop praying for the men to leave, and I won't stop believing that those girls see something different in me. I love them, and I want, so badly, to walk through the heaviness and through the light with them.

This is why we are here. Maybe you're not stuck in the bars... maybe you live in America and you live a nice life, or maybe you're wondering how life turned to hell so quickly. It's okay to feel those things, and it's okay to be honest about it. There is hope and restoration, and when we expose the darkness to the light, the darkness loses all it's power. The light is coming to the RLD in Chiang Mai, and I believe it's coming for you too, wherever you might be.

Speak up. The light wins. Hope is coming.
 

Freedom Knocks

We have officially been in Thailand for 9 days! Honestly, I still can't believe that I'm here... that Jesus would bring me here with Him. I wake up every morning and think "Wow, the horns on those SongTaos and Tuktuks sound glorious this morning." I am so thrilled to be here and even more thankful that I'm with this group of girls. I've never been more sure that this is exactly where I am supposed to be...

With that being said, things are beginning to get wild around here. For the past week, all 20 of us have been serving in different areas and praying about where God wants us to be and how we wants to use us in each ministry. Each day I walk those streets of the Red Light District and proclaim freedom over those bars, and demand that all chains are broken in the name of Jesus. One thing is for certain, the enemy is definitely aware that we are in town and he's doing everything in his power to distract us, scare us and stop us from what we are here to do.... However, we aren't distracted, we aren't scared and we definitely are not going to stop doing what we are here to do.

Last night eight of us went on a prayer walk during prime time.... In the last five years, Jesus has been preparing me for every single moment that I spend with his girls in those bars. I've experienced their hell on earth in three different countries. I've met many of them by name, I've danced and laughed and made small talk. I've prayed my heart out, cried my eyes out and seen the goodness of God in the darkest of places... but truly, nothing can prepare me for the reality of this place.

In one square mile, there is probably one hundred bars... hundreds of girls trying to catch our eye. These girls are my age. They're beautiful... they have so much life ahead of them; yet they're being held captive... like they're sinking in quicksand. Some of them are new to the lifestyle, and it's obvious because they still have life in their eyes. Others of them appear to have accepted this as their destiny, and they walk through life like zombies... until they caught a glimpse of us last night. As I walked past a particular bar with three of my teammates, I saw the sweetest girl.... I looked at her and smiled with genuine joy and she locked eyes with me as if she had found what she was searching for. We looked at each other for about 10 seconds, but it felt like a real encounter. Her life flashed before my eyes, and I couldn't help but think about what her daily routine might look like... the horrors that she's lived through, the thoughts she has, and the emptiness she feels. My next thought was what her life will look like... healing and joy. Redemption. Laughter. Dancing. Purity... confidence.  She will truly be made new... a new creation in Jesus. He has such marvelous plans for her life, and he has had them since the foundation of the world. She has not been forgotten. She has not slipped through the cracks. Jesus knows exactly where she is, where she walks, where she sleeps. He knows her.

I will never ever understand why this happens... why this industry is so corrupt yet so booming in every corner of the world. It disgusts me, I hate it. I hate the way the enemy works. I HATE HIM. I hate his schemes and plots and plans. I hate that he thinks he knows us and our weaknesses. I hate that he has these men convinced that it would be a good idea to leave their wives and their kids and their jobs to hop a plane to the Red Light District of Chiang Mai. I hate that they've been deceived. I hate that they think it will satisfy them. I hate that these girls think this is what life is. I hate that they've grown up in a culture that doesn't nurture their femininity, and protect their innocence. I hate that the enemy is trying to devour them... I hate that this is happening.

These are God's people... these are my people. There is hope. My sweet friend, O, has recently left the Red Light District and now works at Zion Café (the hostel and ministry we are staying at). She's been here a few days longer than me... The battle is real - she feels pulled between her boyfriend, who works at the bars, and Zion, where she is loved and protected and believed in. After eight months of missionaries in and out of her bar, she finally had the courage to leave and to seek refuge at Zion... Zion is truly the lighthouse in the darkness. She is learning about Jesus and I can see the life coming back to her eyes. There are thousands of Os in Chiang Mai who are waiting for someone to come alongside them and offer them something real... something true.. something better. This is why I am here.

I believe in hope because it radically changed my own life... and now it's my job to bring that same hope to my girls, wherever they may be.

Pray for me... my heart breaks every day for these people, but I wouldn't wish to be anywhere else. Pray that the Holy Spirit will direct my steps, and that my steps will be in line with His. Pray for O as she works through the heartache and confusion, and that she will chose to find her home at Zion. Pray for all the Os in this city that will come out of this and find life. Pray for the girls to be drawn to me. Pray that we will build relationships quickly, and that they will be receptive to me. Pray that the men will see Jesus in me. Pray that the men will stop coming here, and that they won't go to the bars. Pray that the bars will be empty. Pray something big. We don't have time for wimpy requests. Ask God to do something big in Chiang Mai...

Freedom is coming.

The Land of Smiles

We have officially arrived, and are beginning to get acclimated, to our new home in Chiang Mai, Thailand! This place is fascinating and far different from our American lifestyle. After a 12 hour day in the Atlanta Airport, an 8 hour flight to Amsterdam, a five hour layover, a 12 hour flight to Bangkok and an 11 hour drive to Chiang Mai, we are FINALLY home. I love it!!

Our home is called Zion Hostel at Zion café, and it's truly a light in the darkest of places. Located on a corner right down the street from the Red Light District, Zion Café is a fortress for so many women. Not only is it a lighthouse, but it's a delicious coffee shop. A little slice of home right beneath our feet!

Each morning we wake up and walk down a few flights of stairs for breakfast.... On our first morning here we had banana bread, watermelon, pineapple, eggs and a fruit smoothie.... Needless to say, we feel like royalty. Our meals have been a nice balance between American comfort and Thai cuisine, and it's heavenly.

The last few days have been dedicated to orientation, so we have been learning from our incredible contact Emmi and her staff about Thai culture and the ministries that she runs. I am so thankful that I get to learn from her. She is absolutely revolutionizing this city for Jesus, and I am so pumped to be a part of the jigsaw puzzle at Zion.

My team is so incredible. I laughed while telling my parents that I'm with 19 other Kirbys, which is true and false at the same time. This is a wide variety of personality types and humor represented in our group, but each one of us is a warrior for Jesus. We aren't afraid to hit the front lines of the war. We are passionate about seeing freedom in our own lives as well as the lives of the people we are about to meet in this city, and I am so encouraged by their faithfulness to complete the work the Lord has started in each of them. I've known them for about 7 days and they're already some of my very best friends. I am thrilled to see where the Lord leads us together.

Today we split up into groups of five and explored Chiang Mai by hitting the streets for a scavenger hunt. We were given a map and list of places to find and instructions for what to do at each place.... three hours into it, our feet were hurting, our clothes were soaked in sweat and we were thanking Jesus for GPS.

Although this has already been the most encouraging time with my teammates, we have definitely felt the spiritual warfare around us. We are each very aware of what the enemy thinks he's doing in this city, and we are determined to shut him down. So this is my call to all my prayer warriors at home: There are six girls on our team who have been battling autoimmune diseases throughout their lifetime and the Holy spirit has put the desire for healing in my heart for each girl. Last night we had a big prayer meeting and prayed over each girl. There was a major battle taking place in that room and disbelief played a major part in it. The truth is that Jesus came to give us life and to give it to us abundantly. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the Lord wants for us to be sick. He bore our diseases on the cross, and by His stripes we are healed. That is the promise, and there is victory in that. We are more than conquerors in Jesus, and we are co-heirs with Christ. So when we ask for anything in his name, He is there to give it to us. We believe in the faithfulness of Jesus, and we believe that His spirit remains the same in me as it was in the disciples at Pentecost. In order to be as effective as possible for the Kingdom of Heaven in Thailand, we must allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through us.

I need you guys to stand by us in believing that the Lord has so much to do in Thailand, and it begins in us. He cares about our sicknesses, and He cares about the sweet girls around the corner. I am standing on His promises, and I am expectant to see Him move in this place. He delivers us from the traps of the enemy.

Next week we will begin ministry, and each day may look slightly different. Some days we will be teaching English and building relationships with college students at a near by University. Some days we will be doing prayer walks throughout the Red Light District before a group of us head out there that night. Some days we will be traveling to near by slums and villages and playing with the little ones: playing soccer, painting nails, laughing.... Some days we will get to chat with the Monks! I am super pumped about that one.

I'll be sure to keep everyone updated each week - please be praying for revival in us and in Chiang Mai... It's about to get wild up in here.





 

The War in Thailand

A battlefield, warrior mindset – that is the way I was created. When I imagine my life, I imagine a raging war taking place around me, and I see myself running wide-eyed, fist clenched, running fast into the center of the action. When I was fourteen years old, I discovered my calling to mental health. Depression, anxiety and self-harm were evident before me, and I saw a need in the world that required something of me to seek change on their behalf… I was determined to speak life into people who find themselves struggling, and to encourage them to keep breathing...

When I was seventeen years old, I set sail for my first trip to the Red Light District of Amsterdam and I saw women dealing with the same issues but in a different setting. Prostitution held them captive, and it appeared that the enemy had them, and that city, on a tight leash. I have never felt more alive than I did in that Red Light District, and I realized that it would be my home around the world. Those were my girls, and I would do anything to help them. In the midst of it all, I was warned to “be careful” and “stay safe.” But fear of the war was the last thing on my mind. I’ve never been afraid to hop a plane to a foreign country, or to travel with a group of strangers. I’ve never been afraid to walk into an Asian bar and sit down with a broken girl on her night shift. I’ve never been afraid of the lurking men or the things that “could” happen. Aware? Yes, indeed. But afraid? Never.

If you were to ask me about my deepest fear, it would be to miss out on the things Jesus has chosen me to do. I am afraid to live a comfortable lifestyle with a bunch of money and no eternal impact. I’m afraid to sit back and expect someone else to do what I am so obviously cut-out to do. Over the last year, I’ve become a feminist... Once I explain what it means to really be a feminist, I bet you’ll be one as well. I believe in educating and empowering women all over the globe. I believe women are powerful and smart and embody specific characteristics of God’s nature. I believe every human being was created with divine purpose, including women, and therefor deserve to have a voice. I believe empowering women to learn who they are in Christ will radically change the economy, the job market, the education system, the political system and the family. I believe education and knowledge are power and girls, all over the world, should have the opportunity to learn. When one girl catches a spark of what she was created for and what she is capable of, she is quick to pass along the fire to other girls, thus illuminating the darkness. She deserves a chance. She deserves a voice. I will not stop fighting until she gets it.

My favorite documentary is called Girl Rising and it’s about educating girls. At the very end it shows a girl from Afghanistan who was forced to leave school under the Taliban law and sold into a marriage at the age of 13. She was determined to rise up on behalf of the girls in her nation and she spoke with a fire in her eyes. She said,

"Don't tell me that women do not have a place in society. I have learned about Afghan women as attorneys and doctors. They force me to wear this hijab with no opening for my mouth to speak. They expect me to be silent, but I will not. If they throw me into a pit, I will climb out. If they try to kill me, other girls will rise up behind me and take my place. I am change."

I believe we will read about her in the history books someday... Because this war that is raging around me is not just the Taliban or Boko Haram or the pimps that I'm about to meet in Thailand. The war is against Satan and his manifestation of evil in heavenly places. Jesus is going to go get those girls and He has chosen me to go with him.

So pray for me and my team as we run where the Spirit leads us into the front lines of the war. He will be a wall of fire around us, and the Glory in our midst. And when the enemy comes in, like a flood the Holy Spirit will rise up a standard against him. I believe this valley of oppression and drought is about to take a drink from the spring of Living Water. Jesus will be their avenger, and we all know how that story ends.

Redemption is coming.

Pursuit

"I'm coming for you."

This phrase. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since Easter Sunday. I was sitting in church and we were singing a song about grace and freedom and power... all things that I believe we receive through Jesus; all things I have experienced first hand. Easter Sunday is a day to celebrate Jesus raising from the dead and conquering the grave. Power? Are you kidding? He redefined power. He was beaten so badly he barely resembled a human. The soldiers were so proud of themselves... like "yeah, we really delivered on that guy." They wrap him up, put him in a tomb, roll a giant stone in front of it and wash their hands. It's finished. So they think.

Three days later, the tomb is empty. No sign of the once broken body. Then all at once his friends are inside having a meeting and Jesus appears... fully human. They were there when he was beaten to death... they saw him hanging on that cross. They saw him be wrapped up and placed in that tomb. There was no possible way he could be standing in front of them, but he was. Thomas wasn't there, but he quickly caught wind of the meeting. He couldn't believe it, literally. He said, "I won't believe it until I see him with my own eyes; until I touch the scars in his hands and on his side."

Here's the plot twist. Jesus could have said, "you have little faith." It was not required of Jesus to meet Thomas and grant him his request. Regardless of if Thomas had ever seen Jesus again in real life, the truth would have remained the same. Jesus still was raised from the dead and walking among his people. But He did it anyway. He knew that Thomas needed to see him, and Thomas was that important to him. If Thomas needed to touch his scars, then Jesus was going to find him and show him his scars....

As hopeful as that story is, my heart was broken and heavy. I stood in a room with hundreds of other people, all free to go to church and worship our living God... all people who had heard the name of Jesus and were never persecuted for uttering his name. My mind flashes to the women in Thailand. To the girls in Cambodia, Guatemala, Los Angeles, Oklahoma City. We celebrate Easter as a day that we became More than Conquerors in Christ Jesus. We celebrate a day when we became victorious. But these women have no idea... they are held captive day in and day out and their bodies and psyches are beaten down until they submit to their captors. I began to pray for them... really pray for them... that jail cells would fly open the same way they did for Paul and Silas; that their captors would fall asleep so they could escape; that their governments would rise up on their behalf; that they would have supernatural strength and boldness to run; that they would find a safe haven, a place of protection; that their location would be hidden from their predators but revealed to their rescuers. I asked God, "why do I get to celebrate your victory, your redemption... as they live through hell?" and then I heard that phrase....

"I'm coming for them."

Thailand. Why am I going? I'm going to be the rescuer. I'm going because Jesus is coming for them, and I am the one that will physically be there for Him. My friend Jamie says, "We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be his body, to move for things that matter." I believe that. We must be the rescuers... to go into the places where no one else will go, because those girls were created and brought for a price and their waiting for Jesus to show up to show them the scars he took for each of them.

Chances are you aren't being held captive in cave, or a jail cell or a brothel. But you might be held captive by an addiction, or a fear, or a job title, or a broken heart, or a divorce, or a death or a disease. You can't escape the circumstance and you have no idea how to get out... You've given up hope because it feels like you're running backwards or sinking in quick sand. I've been where you are. You're not alone in that, and you won't be there forever.

We often hear the words, "come to me, and I will give your rest." or "draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." but the good news is that in our weakness, when we don't have the strength to even draw near to him... when we don't know how to... He comes looking for us.

It's a furious pursuit. He won't stop until he gets us, and once He does He will turn us into the rescuers.

He's coming for you.

Shackles

Do you ever have those moments when it seems the whole world is rushing around you and you see yourself standing among the chaos paralyzed... Or perhaps you're the one that feels like everything is spinning out of control, and you just can't get yourself to sit still for a single minute because you're confused and heartbroken and there are things to get done and things to fix and maybe those things are out of your control... Maybe it's a mixture of the two, which doesn't make sense but maybe nothing really has been making sense lately.

I am a lover of Jesus, and when I think about not writing about him I immediately have writers' block. When I think about writing to the masses, but leaving Jesus out of it, my mind goes blank. It's as if there is nothing to say without talking about him, because I don't think we are ever truly set free from captivity without Him. We can't beat our sickness, or overcome depression, or walk away from an addiction without Him because the truth is that he is our source of freedom. We can't truly accept our flaws, or see through our insecurities without Him because through Him we know that we were created in his likeness... that we are his masterpiece.

That season of life that I was describing... chaos and paralysis and heartbreak and attempting to fix it all... that has been me over the past couple months. It feels like my life has come to a screeching halt - maybe it's because my college career is coming to a close and I'm beginning to feel the pressure of figuring out the next step. Maybe it's because of a recent heartbreak, maybe it's a spiritual attack as I get ready to head to Thailand, maybe it's because I'm living in an extremely fast paced town and everyone has their own agendas, and it's so easy to feel left behind... It has been a really hard couple of months, but I'm learning that it's okay to have hard chapters of life.

I vividly remember sitting across the table from my mentor in a café when I was 14 years old and feeling so much bitterness toward her because she was supposed to be walking through that dark season with me... she was supposed to be asking me each day how I was doing, but instead she was going on with her life. As I cried out to her and confessed that I had been so upset with her for forsaking me in my time of need, she said "Kirby, you have to reach out." How would she know that I needed someone to walk with me if I wasn't willing to reach out and ask for help? I like the way God reminds us of our pasts in order to protect us from repeating history, because the truth is that we all have times when we desperately need other people to hold us up when we can't stand on our own. We are all weak and finite, but if we don't speak up and ask for help, they won't know to help us.

Sometimes we need to talk about the things in our lives that weigh us down... the expectations and the deep sadness that we feel. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we are fighting an enemy, and he is trying to fill our heads with nonsense. In fact, he's described as the Father of Lies. He tries to tell us that the pressure is on us to perform well, and when we don't get the job it's because we don't have what it takes. If you feel like there isn't a man or a woman out there for you, be on guard. If you feel the weight of your dad walking out on your family, be on guard. If you feel like the abuse and the result of self-hatred is your fault, be on guard. If you feel like the responsibility of pleasing everyone is on you, listen up... You were not created to carry the weight of the world. Other peoples' choices are not a reflection of you or your worth. Grace does not depend on merit. You were not created to seek the approval of men, if they don't accept you? shake the dust. You do not have to prove to yourself or anyone else that you are good enough. You are not responsible for the hearts or future of anyone else, the truth is that God loves each one of them exactly the same way he loves you. He has promised to provide for them and protect them and guide them and love them the exact same way He as promised to do all those things for you. You are living with shackles because you're allowing the enemy to deceive you, but here's the good news: You don't have to fix any of it. You don't have to try to take it all back and start over... just drop it where you are. Drop the weights. Let them go.

There's this song that I love right now and it's called Nothing I Hold On To by Will Reagan & United Pursuit and he sings "I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven. I give it all to you, God, trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me."

That 's the cry of my heart. He created you so perfectly. Your circumstances are not permanent. You will not be in this place forever. You will walk through tough seasons, but your story was never intended to end there. If you'll give it to Jesus, he will liberate you from the pressure and the lies and the heartbreak. He will make something beautiful out of you, just take off your shackles.

Ablaze

It's 2014, people. Cheers! I love a new year... maybe because it feels like something new; fresh; abundant possibilities. It's never happened before. It's an invitation to something more. None of us have any idea what it holds; its mysterious and intriguing. A full year is ahead of us - it's January 9th. I love January for that very reason... the whole year is still ahead of us.

I can't help but feel like twenty-fourteen holds something special for me - its the end of an era, and the beginning of another. I will graduate from college in May, and then I'm off to Thailand for a couple months. I have no earthly idea what will happen on the streets of Chiang Mai, Thailand, but I do know that I'm going for a reason.

I'm big on words, and I love books and quotes and lyrics and poems. I think certain words echo throughout our lives; they have the ability to shape us. Maybe for you its the letter your mom left you before she passed away, or maybe its the teacher who told you that you have what it takes. Maybe it's your dad saying "I'm proud of you," or maybe its your favorite writer who taught you to embrace "whimsy." Maybe its the person who told you that your story is important. I hope the words that you remember have pushed you to keep going... to move for something that matters. One of my all time favorite quotes is by Joan of Arc...

"I'm not afraid... I was born to do this."

I hope to embody those words throughout my life. I hope that to be my legacy. I hope I have the courage to look fear in the eyes, and say "I was born to do this." Those words echo throughout my life, because they mean something.

I came across a few words the other day, and they felt familiar...

"She's mad, but she's magic. There is no lie in her fire." - Charles Bukowski

I want to live a life set ablaze... where it cannot be denied that my life was indeed on fire. There may be people who think I'm a little nutty, maybe even mad; but magic all the same. We must believe that we can be those things. That we can be mad, but magical. fearless. intense. driven. The world needs us to be those things. Our decision to allow ourselves to be fully alive affects everything - we have influence; we inadvertently allow others to do the same. My fire is of little worth, unless I spread it to others, and when we team up and work together we set the world ablaze - we cannot be stopped.

Our passions and our desires and our goals don't have to be the same. Life would be so boring if they were. We don't have to have the same approach, or even agree on the minor details, we just have to keep the fire ablaze. We have to risk our reputation of comfort, and step out into the wild.

We don't know what the road looks like yet... it's all a secret, waiting to be revealed.

Will you join me? It's a new year - two thousand fourteen... it's new and pure and blank. Will you hold tight to the words that matter, and allow them to resound throughout your days? You belong. You matter. Your story is important. You were born to do this.

You're mad, but you're magic... let's start the fire.