About nine months ago I was trying to decide what I was going to do this summer... It's my last summer as a student. Which means about this time next year, God willing, I'll have a real job. I had two dreams, and two opportunities. My first dream was to go to China and work with the underground church in order to reach people for Jesus, specifically women and even more specifically prostitutes. It seemed daring, and maybe a little bit frightening and maybe a lot a bit stretching... but there was a local organization that had ties with another organization in China and it seemed like an awesome opportunity to get my hands wet with long term missions. When I say long term, I mean longer term... about 3 months.
My second dream was to be the recruitment chair for my sorority. From the world's perspective, these two look like polar opposite ends of the spectrum; one path representing a grungy missionary lifestyle and the other representing a surface level diva lifestyle. However, the two aren't so different. I'd still be getting to work with women... just not with the underground church. I'd live in Norman and work with 5 other girls in order to make each of the 1,200 incoming girls feel like they're the most important person on the planet.
I pursued the latter of the two. I knew it would be the best summer yet, spending my free time in Norman with my friends. However, it hasn't been all rainbows and sparkles... Don't get me wrong, I love being the recruitment chair, and I love getting to plan the best week of the year. I don't think there is anything better in college than recruitment. In an attempt to be vulnerable and transparent, bare with my honesty.
Sometimes God brings us to a hard place in order to get our attention. My hard place is being alone. I don't like to be alone because I'm an extrovert and my energy source is other people. More often than not, I get sad when I'm alone. Most of my friends and roommates have boyfriends, so when I'm in Norman I see a lot of quiet nights. It's easy to believe that I'm spending the evening all alone, but that opens the door to the enemy to tell me that I'm lonely. The truth is, God promised me that He would never leave me... so when I feel lonely, it's just a lie. If Satan can get me to feel sorry for myself, he knows I won't plug into God and he wins the battle. But I know the truth, and that truth sets me free.
When I spend all my time with people, I don't take time to slow down and be quiet. I think this is my biggest flaw. In order for Jesus to get my attention, he has to get me to slow down. He has to get everyone else out of my line of vision, or I won't take a minute to be still.
The thing is, we all have distractions... Sometimes distractions aren't bad... but God still desires our attention. Just as you and I long for the attention of the ones we love the most, God longs for our undivided attention. He wants to be known by us. He put that same desire in our hearts for a purpose. If we find ourselves in a lonely place, we have to rewire our souls. We were created for relationship. A certain type of relationship. A captivating relationship that lights a fire and spurs us on. A relationship where we know the promises of God... the promise that He has great and mysterious things in store for us. We have to get to a point in our relationship with Jesus that we are willing to follow his voice while wearing a blindfold... to develop a security in walking by faith and not by sight.
There's this song called Oceans by Hillsong United... listen to it. It's what I want my life to echo... but there's this part that brings me to life -
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my savior..."
It's daring. It's challenging. It's hard. But love trusts without borders. It follows without knowing the outcome. It chooses to be engaged in life. Love does hard things.
If you find yourself in a place where you can relate to me... regardless of what it is that you struggle with, drop your guard. God wants in. You're not alone, and you haven't been alone a single day of your life. He's ready to speak, its you that has to be willing to listen.
My second dream was to be the recruitment chair for my sorority. From the world's perspective, these two look like polar opposite ends of the spectrum; one path representing a grungy missionary lifestyle and the other representing a surface level diva lifestyle. However, the two aren't so different. I'd still be getting to work with women... just not with the underground church. I'd live in Norman and work with 5 other girls in order to make each of the 1,200 incoming girls feel like they're the most important person on the planet.
I pursued the latter of the two. I knew it would be the best summer yet, spending my free time in Norman with my friends. However, it hasn't been all rainbows and sparkles... Don't get me wrong, I love being the recruitment chair, and I love getting to plan the best week of the year. I don't think there is anything better in college than recruitment. In an attempt to be vulnerable and transparent, bare with my honesty.
Sometimes God brings us to a hard place in order to get our attention. My hard place is being alone. I don't like to be alone because I'm an extrovert and my energy source is other people. More often than not, I get sad when I'm alone. Most of my friends and roommates have boyfriends, so when I'm in Norman I see a lot of quiet nights. It's easy to believe that I'm spending the evening all alone, but that opens the door to the enemy to tell me that I'm lonely. The truth is, God promised me that He would never leave me... so when I feel lonely, it's just a lie. If Satan can get me to feel sorry for myself, he knows I won't plug into God and he wins the battle. But I know the truth, and that truth sets me free.
When I spend all my time with people, I don't take time to slow down and be quiet. I think this is my biggest flaw. In order for Jesus to get my attention, he has to get me to slow down. He has to get everyone else out of my line of vision, or I won't take a minute to be still.
The thing is, we all have distractions... Sometimes distractions aren't bad... but God still desires our attention. Just as you and I long for the attention of the ones we love the most, God longs for our undivided attention. He wants to be known by us. He put that same desire in our hearts for a purpose. If we find ourselves in a lonely place, we have to rewire our souls. We were created for relationship. A certain type of relationship. A captivating relationship that lights a fire and spurs us on. A relationship where we know the promises of God... the promise that He has great and mysterious things in store for us. We have to get to a point in our relationship with Jesus that we are willing to follow his voice while wearing a blindfold... to develop a security in walking by faith and not by sight.
There's this song called Oceans by Hillsong United... listen to it. It's what I want my life to echo... but there's this part that brings me to life -
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my savior..."
It's daring. It's challenging. It's hard. But love trusts without borders. It follows without knowing the outcome. It chooses to be engaged in life. Love does hard things.
If you find yourself in a place where you can relate to me... regardless of what it is that you struggle with, drop your guard. God wants in. You're not alone, and you haven't been alone a single day of your life. He's ready to speak, its you that has to be willing to listen.
