The War in Thailand

A battlefield, warrior mindset – that is the way I was created. When I imagine my life, I imagine a raging war taking place around me, and I see myself running wide-eyed, fist clenched, running fast into the center of the action. When I was fourteen years old, I discovered my calling to mental health. Depression, anxiety and self-harm were evident before me, and I saw a need in the world that required something of me to seek change on their behalf… I was determined to speak life into people who find themselves struggling, and to encourage them to keep breathing...

When I was seventeen years old, I set sail for my first trip to the Red Light District of Amsterdam and I saw women dealing with the same issues but in a different setting. Prostitution held them captive, and it appeared that the enemy had them, and that city, on a tight leash. I have never felt more alive than I did in that Red Light District, and I realized that it would be my home around the world. Those were my girls, and I would do anything to help them. In the midst of it all, I was warned to “be careful” and “stay safe.” But fear of the war was the last thing on my mind. I’ve never been afraid to hop a plane to a foreign country, or to travel with a group of strangers. I’ve never been afraid to walk into an Asian bar and sit down with a broken girl on her night shift. I’ve never been afraid of the lurking men or the things that “could” happen. Aware? Yes, indeed. But afraid? Never.

If you were to ask me about my deepest fear, it would be to miss out on the things Jesus has chosen me to do. I am afraid to live a comfortable lifestyle with a bunch of money and no eternal impact. I’m afraid to sit back and expect someone else to do what I am so obviously cut-out to do. Over the last year, I’ve become a feminist... Once I explain what it means to really be a feminist, I bet you’ll be one as well. I believe in educating and empowering women all over the globe. I believe women are powerful and smart and embody specific characteristics of God’s nature. I believe every human being was created with divine purpose, including women, and therefor deserve to have a voice. I believe empowering women to learn who they are in Christ will radically change the economy, the job market, the education system, the political system and the family. I believe education and knowledge are power and girls, all over the world, should have the opportunity to learn. When one girl catches a spark of what she was created for and what she is capable of, she is quick to pass along the fire to other girls, thus illuminating the darkness. She deserves a chance. She deserves a voice. I will not stop fighting until she gets it.

My favorite documentary is called Girl Rising and it’s about educating girls. At the very end it shows a girl from Afghanistan who was forced to leave school under the Taliban law and sold into a marriage at the age of 13. She was determined to rise up on behalf of the girls in her nation and she spoke with a fire in her eyes. She said,

"Don't tell me that women do not have a place in society. I have learned about Afghan women as attorneys and doctors. They force me to wear this hijab with no opening for my mouth to speak. They expect me to be silent, but I will not. If they throw me into a pit, I will climb out. If they try to kill me, other girls will rise up behind me and take my place. I am change."

I believe we will read about her in the history books someday... Because this war that is raging around me is not just the Taliban or Boko Haram or the pimps that I'm about to meet in Thailand. The war is against Satan and his manifestation of evil in heavenly places. Jesus is going to go get those girls and He has chosen me to go with him.

So pray for me and my team as we run where the Spirit leads us into the front lines of the war. He will be a wall of fire around us, and the Glory in our midst. And when the enemy comes in, like a flood the Holy Spirit will rise up a standard against him. I believe this valley of oppression and drought is about to take a drink from the spring of Living Water. Jesus will be their avenger, and we all know how that story ends.

Redemption is coming.

Pursuit

"I'm coming for you."

This phrase. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since Easter Sunday. I was sitting in church and we were singing a song about grace and freedom and power... all things that I believe we receive through Jesus; all things I have experienced first hand. Easter Sunday is a day to celebrate Jesus raising from the dead and conquering the grave. Power? Are you kidding? He redefined power. He was beaten so badly he barely resembled a human. The soldiers were so proud of themselves... like "yeah, we really delivered on that guy." They wrap him up, put him in a tomb, roll a giant stone in front of it and wash their hands. It's finished. So they think.

Three days later, the tomb is empty. No sign of the once broken body. Then all at once his friends are inside having a meeting and Jesus appears... fully human. They were there when he was beaten to death... they saw him hanging on that cross. They saw him be wrapped up and placed in that tomb. There was no possible way he could be standing in front of them, but he was. Thomas wasn't there, but he quickly caught wind of the meeting. He couldn't believe it, literally. He said, "I won't believe it until I see him with my own eyes; until I touch the scars in his hands and on his side."

Here's the plot twist. Jesus could have said, "you have little faith." It was not required of Jesus to meet Thomas and grant him his request. Regardless of if Thomas had ever seen Jesus again in real life, the truth would have remained the same. Jesus still was raised from the dead and walking among his people. But He did it anyway. He knew that Thomas needed to see him, and Thomas was that important to him. If Thomas needed to touch his scars, then Jesus was going to find him and show him his scars....

As hopeful as that story is, my heart was broken and heavy. I stood in a room with hundreds of other people, all free to go to church and worship our living God... all people who had heard the name of Jesus and were never persecuted for uttering his name. My mind flashes to the women in Thailand. To the girls in Cambodia, Guatemala, Los Angeles, Oklahoma City. We celebrate Easter as a day that we became More than Conquerors in Christ Jesus. We celebrate a day when we became victorious. But these women have no idea... they are held captive day in and day out and their bodies and psyches are beaten down until they submit to their captors. I began to pray for them... really pray for them... that jail cells would fly open the same way they did for Paul and Silas; that their captors would fall asleep so they could escape; that their governments would rise up on their behalf; that they would have supernatural strength and boldness to run; that they would find a safe haven, a place of protection; that their location would be hidden from their predators but revealed to their rescuers. I asked God, "why do I get to celebrate your victory, your redemption... as they live through hell?" and then I heard that phrase....

"I'm coming for them."

Thailand. Why am I going? I'm going to be the rescuer. I'm going because Jesus is coming for them, and I am the one that will physically be there for Him. My friend Jamie says, "We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be his body, to move for things that matter." I believe that. We must be the rescuers... to go into the places where no one else will go, because those girls were created and brought for a price and their waiting for Jesus to show up to show them the scars he took for each of them.

Chances are you aren't being held captive in cave, or a jail cell or a brothel. But you might be held captive by an addiction, or a fear, or a job title, or a broken heart, or a divorce, or a death or a disease. You can't escape the circumstance and you have no idea how to get out... You've given up hope because it feels like you're running backwards or sinking in quick sand. I've been where you are. You're not alone in that, and you won't be there forever.

We often hear the words, "come to me, and I will give your rest." or "draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." but the good news is that in our weakness, when we don't have the strength to even draw near to him... when we don't know how to... He comes looking for us.

It's a furious pursuit. He won't stop until he gets us, and once He does He will turn us into the rescuers.

He's coming for you.

Shackles

Do you ever have those moments when it seems the whole world is rushing around you and you see yourself standing among the chaos paralyzed... Or perhaps you're the one that feels like everything is spinning out of control, and you just can't get yourself to sit still for a single minute because you're confused and heartbroken and there are things to get done and things to fix and maybe those things are out of your control... Maybe it's a mixture of the two, which doesn't make sense but maybe nothing really has been making sense lately.

I am a lover of Jesus, and when I think about not writing about him I immediately have writers' block. When I think about writing to the masses, but leaving Jesus out of it, my mind goes blank. It's as if there is nothing to say without talking about him, because I don't think we are ever truly set free from captivity without Him. We can't beat our sickness, or overcome depression, or walk away from an addiction without Him because the truth is that he is our source of freedom. We can't truly accept our flaws, or see through our insecurities without Him because through Him we know that we were created in his likeness... that we are his masterpiece.

That season of life that I was describing... chaos and paralysis and heartbreak and attempting to fix it all... that has been me over the past couple months. It feels like my life has come to a screeching halt - maybe it's because my college career is coming to a close and I'm beginning to feel the pressure of figuring out the next step. Maybe it's because of a recent heartbreak, maybe it's a spiritual attack as I get ready to head to Thailand, maybe it's because I'm living in an extremely fast paced town and everyone has their own agendas, and it's so easy to feel left behind... It has been a really hard couple of months, but I'm learning that it's okay to have hard chapters of life.

I vividly remember sitting across the table from my mentor in a café when I was 14 years old and feeling so much bitterness toward her because she was supposed to be walking through that dark season with me... she was supposed to be asking me each day how I was doing, but instead she was going on with her life. As I cried out to her and confessed that I had been so upset with her for forsaking me in my time of need, she said "Kirby, you have to reach out." How would she know that I needed someone to walk with me if I wasn't willing to reach out and ask for help? I like the way God reminds us of our pasts in order to protect us from repeating history, because the truth is that we all have times when we desperately need other people to hold us up when we can't stand on our own. We are all weak and finite, but if we don't speak up and ask for help, they won't know to help us.

Sometimes we need to talk about the things in our lives that weigh us down... the expectations and the deep sadness that we feel. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we are fighting an enemy, and he is trying to fill our heads with nonsense. In fact, he's described as the Father of Lies. He tries to tell us that the pressure is on us to perform well, and when we don't get the job it's because we don't have what it takes. If you feel like there isn't a man or a woman out there for you, be on guard. If you feel the weight of your dad walking out on your family, be on guard. If you feel like the abuse and the result of self-hatred is your fault, be on guard. If you feel like the responsibility of pleasing everyone is on you, listen up... You were not created to carry the weight of the world. Other peoples' choices are not a reflection of you or your worth. Grace does not depend on merit. You were not created to seek the approval of men, if they don't accept you? shake the dust. You do not have to prove to yourself or anyone else that you are good enough. You are not responsible for the hearts or future of anyone else, the truth is that God loves each one of them exactly the same way he loves you. He has promised to provide for them and protect them and guide them and love them the exact same way He as promised to do all those things for you. You are living with shackles because you're allowing the enemy to deceive you, but here's the good news: You don't have to fix any of it. You don't have to try to take it all back and start over... just drop it where you are. Drop the weights. Let them go.

There's this song that I love right now and it's called Nothing I Hold On To by Will Reagan & United Pursuit and he sings "I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven. I give it all to you, God, trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me."

That 's the cry of my heart. He created you so perfectly. Your circumstances are not permanent. You will not be in this place forever. You will walk through tough seasons, but your story was never intended to end there. If you'll give it to Jesus, he will liberate you from the pressure and the lies and the heartbreak. He will make something beautiful out of you, just take off your shackles.

Ablaze

It's 2014, people. Cheers! I love a new year... maybe because it feels like something new; fresh; abundant possibilities. It's never happened before. It's an invitation to something more. None of us have any idea what it holds; its mysterious and intriguing. A full year is ahead of us - it's January 9th. I love January for that very reason... the whole year is still ahead of us.

I can't help but feel like twenty-fourteen holds something special for me - its the end of an era, and the beginning of another. I will graduate from college in May, and then I'm off to Thailand for a couple months. I have no earthly idea what will happen on the streets of Chiang Mai, Thailand, but I do know that I'm going for a reason.

I'm big on words, and I love books and quotes and lyrics and poems. I think certain words echo throughout our lives; they have the ability to shape us. Maybe for you its the letter your mom left you before she passed away, or maybe its the teacher who told you that you have what it takes. Maybe it's your dad saying "I'm proud of you," or maybe its your favorite writer who taught you to embrace "whimsy." Maybe its the person who told you that your story is important. I hope the words that you remember have pushed you to keep going... to move for something that matters. One of my all time favorite quotes is by Joan of Arc...

"I'm not afraid... I was born to do this."

I hope to embody those words throughout my life. I hope that to be my legacy. I hope I have the courage to look fear in the eyes, and say "I was born to do this." Those words echo throughout my life, because they mean something.

I came across a few words the other day, and they felt familiar...

"She's mad, but she's magic. There is no lie in her fire." - Charles Bukowski

I want to live a life set ablaze... where it cannot be denied that my life was indeed on fire. There may be people who think I'm a little nutty, maybe even mad; but magic all the same. We must believe that we can be those things. That we can be mad, but magical. fearless. intense. driven. The world needs us to be those things. Our decision to allow ourselves to be fully alive affects everything - we have influence; we inadvertently allow others to do the same. My fire is of little worth, unless I spread it to others, and when we team up and work together we set the world ablaze - we cannot be stopped.

Our passions and our desires and our goals don't have to be the same. Life would be so boring if they were. We don't have to have the same approach, or even agree on the minor details, we just have to keep the fire ablaze. We have to risk our reputation of comfort, and step out into the wild.

We don't know what the road looks like yet... it's all a secret, waiting to be revealed.

Will you join me? It's a new year - two thousand fourteen... it's new and pure and blank. Will you hold tight to the words that matter, and allow them to resound throughout your days? You belong. You matter. Your story is important. You were born to do this.

You're mad, but you're magic... let's start the fire.

Formulas

I've been reading this book called Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller, because he's one of my favorite authors and I like the way he writes. He writes like it would sound if he were to be thinking out loud... a little bit scatterbrained, and most definitely raw. He writes what he believes, and he challenges me to do the same.

This particular book is about trying to figure God out, and making faith a science. He describes our "walk" with God as us trying to follow a formula. As if it were a three-step equation, and we're done. The saddest part is that we often peg God as a simple math problem. The truth is that life is complex and people come and go, and there isn't a simple three steps to help us solve the worlds problems.

Recently, I've been asking God what the next step of my life is going to look like... He hasn't said much, and I think he's playing a joke on me. For years I've asked him to take me on an adventure. I've asked him to "just light the next step" so that I'm forced to hold his hand and trust Him. I guess that's what we're doing.... and I'm not opposed because I think this is the best kind of adventure.

The truth is that we don't have to graduate from high school or college and know exactly what we are going to do with our lives. And we don't have to stick to that one thing either. I think more than anything, God takes us along different paths in order to meet different people. That's ultimately his plan anyway, right? For us to all meet each other and work together to make the world look like what he intended it to be thousands of years ago.

I, along with many of my peers, are beginning to panic because it seems that our college hourglass is running out... What's next? Maybe you're not in college. Maybe you're a recent grad, or a single mom, or a soldier. Maybe you're a young entrepreneur, or a newly wed. Maybe you're willing to do whatever it takes to fight on behalf of orphans, or you're ready to find someone to love and do life with him or her. Maybe you're a nurse who's decided to go back to school. Or a football coach who's ready for something more... You're not going to be in this job, or this place, forever. It's only a pit stop. You've been places before this, and you'll go places after this. If you're ready for more, ask God. His heart has never been to withhold any good thing from you, but rather to unleash his power and blessing over you. His desire is for you to experience his goodness and to share it with everyone you meet.

I've recently been thinking about teaching. I love to teach people about Jesus. Especially women, because I think God has revealed so much of himself to us to remind us what we are worth and how much he desires us. I want to empower women to live with passion and purpose. I want them to know that they were created to live this way. But I'm not talking about bible studies and small groups; I'm talking about class rooms. Tonight I was reading something I wrote a few months ago...

"My mom recently mentioned to me an idea about teaching a women's studies class at the high school. I do believe there is much for high school students to learn about themselves before they head to college, or have babies or get a job. I want to teach them that they are important; that they each were created to roam the earth this very day. I want them to know they have potential. I want them to learn to dream. I want them to face their fears and take them head on. I want them to discover what it is about themselves that makes them tick. What makes them move? What wound do they see in the world that they need to actively hold their palm against in order to stop the bleeding? I want them to know that we have power in our words - over ourselves, and over others. I want them to know they are the most prized possession; that their hearts are gentle and tender for a purpose. I want them to talk. Discuss. Interact. I want them to feel known by one another. I want them to know what is going on around the world. I want them to see the hell that people are living through even if for only a second. I want them to value their bodies and respect themselves. I want them to stop treating their bodies like objects, and I want them to stop allowing others to do the same to them. I want them to know that "we accept the love we think we deserve" and I want them to know how much they deserve, because they were bought for a pretty steep price. I want them to enjoy being 16 or 17 or 18. I want them to stop and enjoy the roses. I want them to learn to value simple and delicate things. I want them to be gentle with others. I want them to know, though their stories may be tough, they matter."

Until this summer, I never thought about teaching a class or a curriculum. I don't know if that's the path I'll end up on, but I know that God puts ideas and dreams into our hearts for a reason.... and it seems that these dreams are constantly changing. The foundation of changing the lives of women has never changed, but the way in doing that will continue to change throughout my life, because I am choosing to follow Jesus wherever He goes, whether it be to the brothels and bars of Thailand, or the buildings and classrooms of Norman.

Just like mine, your life won't be the same forever. Life isn't a formula, and neither is God. He wants to get to know you and have an intimate relationship with you, just like he desires for you to have with others. Donald Miller says, "The truth is there are a million steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him."

It's not a formula. It's time we stop treating life like a three-step equation, and start living the adventure, as different and changing as it may be.
 

"Change is gonna come..."

Over the past three years I've been trying to figure out what I am going to "be" when I graduate from college... I have known what I am going to do with my life since my sophomore year of high school, but how I'm going to do the things I'm called to do is a completely different can of worms... Before this semester, my favorite class was a women's issues class because we explored the hardships that females face every day. From sexual violence to human trafficking to the access of equal opportunity; these issues are the same from Norman, Oklahoma all the way to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. The things we deal with are universal.... They're human issues; not American or African or Asian issues. These topics require change, and until this semester I had yet to learn about how I was going to make this change come about....

Many of us believe that life is all about having fun, and to a certain extent, I can agree... I think that life should be enjoyed! But I also think there is so much more - so many things that are wrong in the world that are calling for us to get mad about and to do something about them.

This semester I'm taking a class called Social Change Process, and though it may be challenging, it's my new favorite. Basically our professor asks us about controversial topics and challenges us to form an opinion. The conversations typically start out about one thing and escalade into something totally different that is accompanied by a debate between conflicting view points. For example, a few topics have been on stem cell research, same sex couples applying for adoption, the legalization of marijuana, women receiving less pay than men, free health care, human trafficking and so on...

Today the focus was on women receiving less pay than men. When he asked us to raise our hand if anyone was involved in the movement for justice, not a single woman raised her hand. He didn't understand. He asked why none of us were interested in doing something about it. One girl said that taking a job with less pay was better than denying the job and receiving no pay at all. Another girl explained that statistics show that a major reason for the increase in divorce rates was due to women making more money than men, creating insecurities in the male; therefore, it was more important to her to have a lasting marriage than equal pay... There were so many reasons that we weren't standing up for what we all agreed was right. The conversation quickly changed to human trafficking.

He said, "Kirby, aren't you passionate about human trafficking? So what are you doing about it?"

I was silent for a few seconds, and he continued... "What are you guys doing to change the things that you consider injustice? Are you writing letters to the Senator explaining that Oklahoma is one of the largest transits in the United States for trafficking humans across state borders? Are you asking leaders to pass a law that requires each truck to be searched at the stops along the high way to insure that human beings are not being commuted from one city to the next? What are you doing to create change?"

I was challenged. Then he said something that I haven't been able to stop thinking about all day...

"College students are one of the most powerful groups of people in the United States. Why? Because you all have nothing to lose. If I were to stand outside and picket about something, I have the chance of getting fired, but you? They're not going to tell you that you have to stop paying them for an education... You all have the most powerful voice - you can stand up for whatever you want. Human Rights. Equal pay. Whatever.... but it's a shame, because you don't use it."

He's right. The truth is that we are in such a crucial time in our lives. We have the world at our fingertips... We are free to go wherever we want, see whatever we want, and do whatever we want. We don't have a career tying us down and most of us don't have other people we are trying to provide for. But we waste our lives on empty nights that we don't even remember... Our generation is the one that can change the world. We have access to knowledge of the things that are taking place around us, and we have more ways to speak to large amounts of people than ever before.

Two of my favorite sentences every spoken are "I'm not afraid, I was born to do this." - Joan of Arc and "If our God is for us, who could be against us?" Romans 8:31.

There are more injustices happening around the world than we could ever begin to imagine. It's not enough to simply get angry about them. We have to write letters. We have to create or join the movement. Love takes action. We can't be afraid of failing. We have the opportunity to do things that 95% of the rest of the US population doesn't. We may be young, but we're powerful.

We just  have to be bold enough to stand.

 

Full to the Brim

Recently I've been learning about being all in. About living life fully. About pouring out until that which I am pouring into is overflowing. About giving everything I have. It's an interesting concept that can easily be brushed aside in our busy American lives. We have all these different clubs and groups and jobs and obligations, and it's easy to slice our time and energy into small pieces and distribute.... but when I think about Jesus and the way he lived I see that He gave his time and attention to whoever he was with in that moment. He kept speaking until everything that needed to be said was said... He didn't leave anyone half healed - he stayed until his job was complete, and when it was complete he moved on to the next thing.

 I think this might be my favorite thing about Jesus. He never did anything half-way. He made everything full and complete. For example, in John 6, Jesus sees a large crowd of over 5000 people coming his way and they're all hungry. Jesus turns to Philip and asks him where they can buy enough food to feed all of the hungry people. It was more like a quiz than an actual question... Jesus already knew how he was going to solve the problem but He wanted to know what Philip's advice would be. Philip's mind immediately went to logistics. He started crunching numbers and decided it would take over 6 months worth of wages in order to feed all of these people... But Jesus was in the business of taking the impossible and illogical and creating a mind-blowing masterpiece. Another disciple had found a small boy with a lunch of five loaves of bread and two fish... about equivalent to a lunchable. Jesus knew he could use that. He told everyone to sit down, He gave thanks to God and then took the small boys lunch and started distributing it to the masses, allowing them to eat as much as they wanted until they were full. When everyone had eaten as much as they could, there was enough food left over to fill twelve baskets.

This is how Jesus works. He's in the business of supernatural provision. He does immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine in our wildest dreams. He doesn't do things half-way. He does them until they're overflowing.

I think we have to live our lives this way. Especially as the church. Very rarely do people reach out for help so when they do risk the chance of being rejected or turned away, it's incredibly important that we meet them where they are and we give them one hundred percent of what we have to offer. God never leaves us empty... when we pour out, he fills us up again.

I want to live a life where the people around me are full to the brim; a life where I'm continually asking God to refill me so I can pour back out. The opportunities are in every day decisions. It's a choice to be intentional and to be present.

It's beginning to hit me that this is my last year of school... I have one more year on this campus before I'm surrounded with new scenery. I have about ten classes left to take... ten teachers, ten class rooms. This year I'm asking God to unleash his power and blessing in my life. To open doors to relationships and potential jobs that no man can shut. I really believe he's about to blow my mind. He's going to fill me up to the brim so that my life is overflowing. I want to learn more this year than I have in the past three... in class and in life. I want to meet unlikely friends, go unlikely places and dream unlikely dreams. I want to write a book. I want to empower women. I want to live in an abundance of joy. I'm on the homestretch of this college marathon and my time clock is ticking... I want to make the most of every opportunity to give what I have to every person I meet.

Maybe you're in the same position as I am, or maybe you're about to start a new job. Maybe you're about to be a freshman in college, or you've taken on a new position at your church. Maybe you just found out you're going to be a mom, or maybe you're the new member educator of an incredible organization - wherever you find yourself: you have the ability to fill the lives of others to the brim and it's a decision you make each and every moment. You were hand picked and ordained by God to be in this very place at this very time and He has a whole lot to teach you. You are a powerful force because of Jesus who is inside of you. He will take you on the wildest ride, and reveal to you the unthinkable if you'll choose to explore with him.

He's asking us to join in on his distribution system. He never runs out, and he never stops until all are full and complete. You are a part of this story. Start pouring.